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Not as easy as it looks, is it? If you were the only person on the flight left conscious, nowhere else to turn, just you and a tunnel of metal hurtling towards the ocean floor, do you think you'd be up to it mate? I mean I've stopped reading the papers recently because it all got a bit depressing, but there's a bloke on Twitter who I really trust and the stuff he's been saying Looked a bit like Rik Waller but wasn't Rik Waller. We're trying to watch an entire episode of You've Been Framed without laughing.

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Because I've always believed that happiness can't be bought.

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So, in order to avoid yourself rehashing the same conversations you have weekend after weekend about the future of the left, cultural appropriation and your own anxieties, here are 50 fool-proof conversation starters. Just don't ask anyone if they had a good night, please. Not wanting the night to end, you've piled everyone into cabs, stopping off for tinnies, tobacco, and massive bags of crisps that you all know no one is actually going to eat. If somebody doesn't speak soon then before long somebody else will bring up the idea of getting a taxi and then before you know it you'll be back in a freezing cold bed, shuddering under a duvet, staring at the ceiling.

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